you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
