He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
