He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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