we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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