you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
