If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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