what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The air taste purple.
Randomize
