mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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