its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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