At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
