she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
