Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
