is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were destined to go to rehab together
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
