I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
