Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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