God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
