Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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