she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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