dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
