i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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