Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
