You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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