your parents love me but you hate me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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