FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
