i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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