my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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