um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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