Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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