Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
