I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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