by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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