Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
