Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
