I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
