What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
