he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
