just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
