69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
