it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
