Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Alive.
So much puke
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
