i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My legs feel like baby dolphins
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
