Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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