"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
