I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
