Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
