Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
