She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
