the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
