Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
