heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
