now i know why i became what i already was.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
