So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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